Hierocles & Philagrios, The Laughter-Lover 173

Κυμαῖος μέλι ἐπίπρασκεν. ἐλθόντος δέ τινος καὶ γευσαμένου καὶ εἰπόντος ὅτι πάνυ καλόν, ἔφη· “εἰ μὴ γὰρ μῦς ἐνέπεσεν εἰς αὐτό, οὐκ ἂν ἐπώλουν.”

A man from Cyme was selling some honey. Someone came up, tasted it, and said that it was really good. The man replied, ‘Yes, if a mouse hadn’t fallen into it I wouldn’t be selling it.’

Hierocles & Philagrios, The Laughter-Lover 104

φιλάργυρος διαθήκας γράφων ἑαυτὸν κληρονόμον ἔταξεν.

A miser was writing his will. He made himself his own heir.

Hierocles & Philagrios, The Laughter-Lover 25

In honour of World Laughter Day, a little joke. Its butt is a generic scholastikos of the ‘absent-minded professor’ sort, one of the Philogelos‘ frequent targets.

σχολαστικὸς ἐν τῷ πλέειν χειμῶνος ὄντος σφοδροῦ καὶ τῶν οἰκετῶν κλαιόντων· “μὴ κλαίετε,” ἔφη· “πάντας γὰρ ὑμᾶς ἐν διαθήκαις ἐλευθέρους φῆκα.”

A professor was travelling by sea when a great storm arose. As his slaves were weeping he said, ‘Don’t cry! I’ve set you all free in my will!’